you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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