We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
