Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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