Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
