Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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