So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
