is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
