I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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