Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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