ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
