Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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