theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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