A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
