Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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