Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
