I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So much rum. So many feels.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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