The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
