last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
