I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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