I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
