You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Bring me that man meat
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
