do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
