I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
