Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
