While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
