# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
