first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
