On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
