I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
operation have a gay friend backfired
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize