guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
