I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
