I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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