I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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