So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Couch. On fire.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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