just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize