So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
