if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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