I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
