you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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