Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
