i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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