What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
