i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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