dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
