You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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