I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
