My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
