Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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