Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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