I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
