he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
