Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
