We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
