I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
