THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
