I think my vagina is haunted
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
