walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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