when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize