if i can run in heels then i can drive
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
