Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
