Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
