Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
