just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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