He uses pillows to masturbate.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
