3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
