The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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