So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
