i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
