Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
