Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
