I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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