you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
