ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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